All it Takes is a Midnight Smile
by Luna-is-Loony
Summary: James and Sirius realize they have a bit more than a friendship. James/Sirius
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: You don't see me running around with millions upon millions of pounds. I don't think I'm J.K Rowling. Only in my wildest dreams...

This is my first fanfic, so please R & R. Also, this is guy on guy. If you don't like that, don't read it. Why did you even click this link? It's as simple as that... The T rating is for slight language. Enjoy.

**All it Takes is a Midnight Smile**

James' POV

_I knew it was him despite the difference in look. Although he was thin to the bone, scarred by something I didn't know of, it really was him. For whatever reason, before the spell hit his chest, I knew he was going to die._

_Sirius gracefully arched backwards, his eyes wide with shock as he slowly fell through the silvery veil. And I, a mere onlooker, incapable of even moving, was unable to do anything. For a moment, I thought his eyes met mine, yet I felt too invisible and realized it wasn't possible – they were to something to my right. My gaze refused to avert for several moments after he had disappeared, and my eyes traced the flowing, silver cloth as if he might appear at any moment. Yet he didn't. The veil continued to undulate, as if untouched by what had just happened._

_My head slowly managed to turn, like a rusted screw, and my chest constricted, wondering how it could have happened. I felt so hopeless, lost in a world like a pensive. There was no one who knew of my existence. Still, I somehow managed to force my weakened mind to concentrate on what Sirius had focused upon less than seconds ago._

_It was me. But it couldn't be! Sirius was years older and this boy seemed to be a perfect image of my current self. True, I only saw his back, but he – or I – had my hair, my height. This person – if it wasn't really me – was still staring at the veil, willing Padfoot to jump out laughing. The same, sharp shock engulfed him? Yet he somehow managed to peel his eyes from that torturous arch, and my breath caught in my throat._

_I knew the color of his eyes, and they weren't mine. The boy had Lily Evan's distinct shade. For a moment, I couldn't understand if it was a trick of the light, but then somehow it all connected and made sense. This child was Lily and my son. Could that even be possible?_

I jolted up in my bed, my heart racing and the dream slipping stealthily away. Something told me that my irrational panic had something to do with it, and I strained to relax and steady my drum-like heartbeat. Yet, the harder I tried and the more I willed my self to remember, the less there was. Until, in the end, nothing of it remained.

The Gryffindor Boy's Dormitory was silent except for snores, and my gaze – although I don't know why – found its way to Padfoot. Somehow seeing him still and seemingly asleep, made me reassured, and I felt my lips tug into a grin as I laughed silently. The other two Marauders were sound asleep in the beds beside his. I felt peaceful, but knew, without even shutting my eyes, that sleep was currently beyond my reach.

Pulling myself slowly out of the bed, I made my way downstairs to the Common Room. My hand played with the Snitch I had nicked and constantly messed with. Everyone thought it was so amazing, but really, once you got the hang of it, catching it wasn't as hard as people thought.

Upon entering the Common Room, I jumped up the other set of steps – the ones to the Girl's Dorm. As always, they melted into a slide. Rather than allowing myself to land in a heap at the bottom, I stretched out sideways, my hands pressing against one wall, and my feet against the other. And that was how I found myself stuck.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius' POV

Firewhiskey's fun, don't get me wrong, but then there's the whole problem that I couldn't currently fall asleep. True, insomnia never bothered me before, but usually I could enjoy the company of Prongs, Wormtail, and Moony – with his furry, little problem. Hearing people ask if he had a misbehaved rabbit at home, always made me laugh.

Suddenly, however, I heard a sharp intake of breath, followed by the slight creak of a bed. My eyes, already adjusted to the dark, saw James sitting up in his bed, slipping out, and scurrying out of the room. Curiosity piqued, I followed him slowly downstairs, Fate having its laugh as it sent a little yawn my way. Still, it was all in the name of fun, right?

What I found surprisingly was something along the lines of what I had expected. James was holding himself up in the slide – staircase of the Girl's Dormitory, Chuckling, I made my way to him.

"Muffliato," I murmured. "So, do you need a boost up?" I grinned doggedly – something I'd taken habit to ever since choosing my Animagus form – at the sight of James stuck.

"Nah, I should be fine just lying around." He attempted to seem casually at ease, and it only resulted in him tumbling down into a heap at my feet.

"Blimey, yeah, just perfect."

"I meant to do that," Prongs coughed out, before jumping to his feet. Looking up at the slide, he added, "If there's one thing I'm going to do before I leave Hogwarts, it's find a spell that'll stop that from happening. Just imagine what the girls will say." James struck a valiant pose and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

Putting on a falsetto, high-pitched voice and battering my eyes, I said, "Oh James," and gave him a half-hearted push. Then I added, my voice back to its regular pitch, "Although Lily might give you a black eye."

"Or send something flying at me." He winced and pressed his hand against a spot on his head in memory of the time she had sent half of the room's contents at his head. "Oh well, you can't say that I didn't doge most of them well." Stretching, Prongs fell backwards, spread out on the couch. I followed suit on the other one.

My mouth opened slightly, then closed, and neither of us said anything. The silence wasn't tense, but both of us were obviously lost in thought. I was unsure whether I should mention what I had seen, and decided against it. Somehow, it seemed like the thing best left unmentioned.

Instead, I looked at him as he caught the Snitch time and time again, letting it fly so that he caught it with the tips of his fingers. His hand – out of habit – ran through his raven black hair once more, and I thought of how he was always putting on a show. It was why all the girls flirted with him so much.

"What, expecting to see me catch it with my teeth?" Prongs joked. Apparently, I'd been staring. I shook my head, but grinned at the image of that.

"Yeah, if you can already do it with your eyes closed, teeth shouldn't be that much harder."

"Well, I'd better give it a try, then." He grinned widely, acknowledging my comment as if it were a dare and stood up on the couch. "If it doesn't work, then at least we'll get a good kick out of McGonagall. She's likely to be fuming mad. 'You boys should know better than to send a Snitch around the Common Room. And you Mr. Potter, stealing a Snitch – shame on you!'" His voice perfectly mimicked hers. By the end, I was laughing so hard that it wasn't as much of a laugh as a weak moan of pain.

Taking a deep breath, he lowered one arm down and released the Snitch. It hovered for a second then flew up faster than my eyes could follow. James jumped, there was the sound of a metal clink, and he landed with a loud crash on the ground, Snitch between his teeth.

"Mmm…I gew I bo o i!" came the muffled response. I stared, trying to understand.

"What?" He spit the Snitch out into the palm of his hand.

"I knew I could do it!" I began to laugh, but stopped suddenly upon hearing approaching footsteps. Before the figure even appeared, Moony's voice could be heard.

"Fifth years have O.W.L.S tomorrow, and I'd appreciate it if you'd quiet it down." Moony came down the staircase and stopped his Head Boy speech as soon as he saw us. Although he was clearly trying to keep his stern expression, his face melted into a grin.

"I caught the Snitch between my teeth." Prongs was never one to be modest. Moony simply laughed.

"Perhaps it is time to sleep a little, though. If you mess up on your O.W.L.S, there'll be hell." James and I nodded, somehow shook out of the moment with his sudden appearance. And all of us, still laughing at Prong's new achievement, made our way upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

James' POV

History of Magic and Divination were the only classes that were any pain. There was nothing interesting in teacups or globes, so I always pretended that I saw money and something Quidditch-related. For a moment, I could have sworn I'd seen an arrow shattering a heart, but the shadow quickly faded away, and I shook my head clear. As for History of Magic, considering every word that came out of that ghost's mouth put me to sleep, it was a wonder that I even recalled anything about the Goblin Rebellion.

On our way out, Padfoot, Moony, and I joked about the descriptions of a werewolf. And Wormtail was thick enough not to know. I had gotten my Snitch out, when a new form of entertainment came our way. If it wasn't Snivellus!

I couldn't stand him. He had always treated Lily as one lower than him, so it was no surprise he had joined the Junior Death Eaters. It disgusted me still, and all I wanted to do was send him in his place. What right did he have to act as if the world revolved around the darkest wizard of all time?

And then he said it. The one word no one wanted to hear. Lily was walking away, angrily and I was in disbelief.

"How dare you!" I let him down, but had him disarmed, Padfoot holding his wand as he helped me corner Snivellus.

"Like you're any better," he sneered. "Lily tells me all about how you annoy her." Then, giving an odd glance at Padfoot, he added, "You two are nothing but perverts. As if you deserve her. The only thing you deserve is to die for what you do." The last two sentences were obviously aimed at me, and it hit home, although I half wondered what he meant. Padfoot angrily sent him flying backwards against a tree.

"You don't know anything about Prongs or me. And I don't know how you value friendships, but you should have valued Lily's more, and now you'll never have it." In all my life I'd never seen Sirius so angry. His voice was not only venomous and threatening, but jeering too and he threw Snape's wand at his feet. Anger also overcame the greasy Slytherin as well, and with an expression of pure hatred, he snatched his wand and pointed it at Padfoot's back.

"Cruc –" My heart stopped he pointed his wand at Sirius. Not Sirius. Anyone but Sirius. I wouldn't let him.

"Enough!" Dumbledore strode out, his normally kind voice, burning with acid. "Mr. Snape, you will never – and I repeat never – use an Unforgivable Curse anywhere, much less on Hogwarts Grounds."

"But James wanted to – " he began defensively.

"Never! If I see you use one, the consequences would be…" He trailed off, leaving his sentence unfinished as he regained his composure. "Mr. Potter, come with me." A triumphant look passed over Snivellus face. "But don't think you've escaped your punishment Mr. Snape." I followed, unsure of what to say and what to do. With the year nearly over, I felt as if all detentions would be done. Apparently, they weren't.

"Don't worry, you're not getting a detention," was the first thing he said to me as soon as we got out of earshot. "I just wanted to warn you that I do not appreciate what you did. It would be most wise for you to top treating Mr. Snape like that, or you will get into trouble." I nodded solemnly, too do anything else.

"Professor?"

"Yes, James?"

"You're not going to let Snivellus get away that easily, will you?"

"It's Severus, James, and no, I suppose I cannot let him 'get off that easily.'"


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius' POV

For whatever reason, I found myself unable to sleep. I felt trouble and scared as if something not there before had awoken within me. Something about the way Severus had looked at me and what he had said to James lit some unknown fury within me. All I had wanted to do at that moment was send him down back where he belonged, and kill him. I had never wanted to kill anyone in my life, yet I had somehow found myself resisting the urge of pointing my wand at him and saying those two words worse than anything else.

So, by some means, without really giving any conscious decision, I found myself in the Common Room, just like I had yesterday. There I curled up, feet locked in the armchair, legs tightly pressed against my chest, and closed my eyes. I was so confused and lost. Nothing was right. What I was feeling couldn't be right!

"Sirius?" I stood up and looked at James' blurred figure and wiped back tears which I hadn't even known I'd cried. His hazel eyes were filled with nothing but concern as he laid a light hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

However unlikely, I was now. Nodding slowly like a confused child, I realized that I had the urge to hug him and hold him close. Something about seeing him here made me stop shaking and took away my fear.

But I was stopped as Lily came storming into the room, angered as she screamed behind her to the closing Portrait, "Go away, Severus!" When she turned around and saw us, Lily literally stopped abruptly and stared. "James?" She was clearly surprised, but merely shook her head, a curious expression on her face, and went upstairs.

Although the moment had momentarily lost its odd trance, as soon as his eyes met mine again, my heart fluttered once more. "I never noticed that your eyes were hazel before." Normally, I would have laughed at something like that, much less say it myself, yet now I felt relaxed, and no part of me stumbled, taking it back. James nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. As he did so, a piece of his strewn, black hair fell in front of his eyes. Without even thinking, my hand reached up, brushing it back. I felt my eyes begin to burn again as James spoke.

"When he went to send that spell at you… I didn't know what I was going to do. How did he even know? As he gave us that look I wondered, but still somehow I knew what it meant." The words spilled out in a jumbled heap, and his hand formed fists. My eyes met his eyes, and I couldn't help but notice that they gazed distantly with a stubborn anger. My hands reached for his.

"Nothing happened." My thumb began stroking the front of his hand. "I wouldn't let it. You wouldn't let it." His fist loosened, and instead tightened around my hand as his eyes became wide with fear.

"I kept on trying to remember, but I couldn't until now. Yesterday, I had a dream that you died. And all I could do was stand there. No one heard me; no one saw me, and I couldn't do a thing. You just –" James began to choke on his tears as he released uneven, muffled sobs.

With a slightly shaking hand, I wiped away his tears and cupped my palm around his chin, lifting his head up so that he could meet my gaze. "No matter what happens, I'll never let your dream come true. And don't you think I'd let anyone kill you either. James –" I paused for a moment, taking strength in the pure, caring way he looked at me "- I love you." My eyes watered slightly, not out of fear or confusion, but out of joy. There was a strangled laugh, covered slightly by his tears. He wasn't laughing at me or what I had said; it was a laugh of bliss.

"Sirius, I love you, too. God, beyond all things bewitched, I love you so effin' much." I don't know who did what or what exactly happened, but before I could do anything, our lips joined in a feverous, frantic kiss. At first my hand lay lightly around his neck, but upon feeling him hold me so tightly, so lovingly, they made their way up, matted into his hair. James leaned his weight against mine, his entire body pressing against me, and we toppled onto the couch, the sound muffled by the cushions. We held each other for a few more tender seconds, and then James pulled away.

"Bloody hell." It was all I could manage. No other words could convey my trembling hands, my pounding heart, my uneven breaths, and the unimaginable love and joy which I had never thought anyone could make me feel. James shakily laughed and leaned his head against my shoulder. I gently ran my fingers through his hair as we both smiled into the silence, taking solace in each others presence.


	5. Chapter 5

James' POV

Neither of us spoke for a while. All I could think about was how amazing it felt to hold him and feel his lips against mine. His hands, petite and more feminine than mine, softly pulled through my hair.

Finally, I tilted my head up, my lips reaching his chin and slowly tracing upwards against his cheekbone, to his. I didn't linger long, but pulled away, my eyes closed peacefully and one arm slipped around Sirius' waist, holding him to me.

"So, that's why the one girl you chased after was the one girl you'd never get?" Until now I'd never realized it, but upon him saying so, it seemed true. It was true that I could have had any girl I wanted, but I had just never really wanted one. I nodded and nestled my head into his neck. Unlike the girls I had always flirted with – the ones I had always smiled at, refusing them a mere kiss – he didn't smell of flowers, but rather the scent of grass and dirt, coupled with an indescribable metallic zing which I couldn't identify but still made me relax in familiarity.

Then, my mind slipped to others. I thought of their stares and jeering. Even that I could handle for Sirius, but recently the Death Eaters began hunting people down because of their sexuality. I knew he'd still be in danger, but I couldn't increase that. I couldn't make it my fault that he died. The mere thought of it sent me sitting, recoiled from the comfort of Sirius' touch. "Sirius, I'm scared."

His hand made its way to mine, and he lightly pulled me over again, so that our faces were mere millimeters apart. "So am I." He kissed me slowly, the warmth of it reassuring me that everything could be alright.

And so we ended up again both in silence, wishing that the night would go on forever. Unfortunately for us, the sun began to peak its way through the windows, illuminating the room and we were forced to go upstairs. We cracked the door to the Boy's Dormitory open and pulled inside, shutting it without making a sound. He curled into bed, and taking the snores around me as signs that others were still asleep, I leaned down once more, kissing him before whispering, "I love you." How many times had I denied myself to say it?

"I love you, too." I stood for a moment, watching his heavy eyes shut in the warmth of his bed, and watching as he fell asleep, as smile still on his lips.

I made my way over to my own bed and slipped in. Before sleep overtook me, however, my mind filled with unease. We loved each other, but love was never enough to overcome the Death Eaters. How many men were being killed for loving one another? Just in loving each other, we were signing our instant death contract.

_Sirius lay on the floor, writhing in pain, letting out strangled screams. There was a high-pitched laugh taking pleasure in it. Voldemort stood above him, his wand pointed at Sirius' chest as he tortured him. "Just kill me, please." Sirius gasped for breath as the spell was released for a moment._

_I was watching, helpless yet again, but not invisible. Instead, I was tied up by nonexistent ropes – magical ones, and was forced to watch as they did this to him. "Please, don't kill him. Leave him alone." I struggled against the ropes, and would have continued screaming if it weren't for the man who was assisting Voldemort by restraining me, and now casting a spell so that I was gagged._

_Severus Snape stood in front of me. "Isn't revenge sweet? I promised you that I'd win in the end, James." Had I wanted to, I couldn't have replied._

"_Severus, you may release the other boy in a second." His pointed fingers now tapped impatiently on his wand, having lost the joy of seeing the one man I loved tortured to near-insanity. Still, I understood the meaning of his words and wished that I could scream and fight – resist him._

_Sirius' eyes connected with mine for a moment as he told me, without saying a word, that he loved me. They were happy to be release, but sad, not for his Fate, but my own. And then they were empty and I fell to the ground, screaming his name in agony, knowing the one man I'd loved was gone, and that without him life was meaningless._

"Wake up, Prongs! James!" Two hands violently shook me by the shoulders, and I snapped awake. Moony looked down, concerned.

"What happened?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"You kept on tossing and turning, and then you screamed Padfoot's name," he answered, obviously confused but not asking me any questions, out of respect. He knew that if I wanted to tell him, I would. Of course, I didn't, but as I sat up, my eyes went immediately to Sirius. His eyes were wide with fear and shock, and I could tell he was having trouble resisting the urge to comfort me.

"You go to the Great Hall. I'll be down in a moment or two. I just need to get dressed." Everyone but the Marauders was gone, and Moony and Wormtail made way to leave and give me the privacy I was so bluntly asking for. Sirius, however, refused to move.

"I'm staying with you," he said stubbornly, trying to disguise all betraying emotions in his voice.

"If one of us stays, then we all stay." Moony stood by the doorway, one hand reaching out and pulling back Wormtail, who was desperately trying to make his escape down the stairs.

"But I'm hungry," I heard him moan, as he weakly struggled against Moony, who, in turn, turned around to probably give him a dirty look. I laughed and pulled my robes over my head, slinging on my tie, and leaving it loosely around my neck.

"I'm done. You're free to go, Wormtail." Moony grinned at me before chasing a running-and-stumbling Wormtail down the steps. Sirius waited, grabbing my hand, his grip tight and soothing, even if only for a few moments.

"Oy, are you mental! Wait up!" I screamed, attempting to act like usual. We ran after them, laughing all the way.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius' POV

**Trunder's Prison Sentence Revealed**

**It has just been uncovered of Finneus Trunder's relationship with his "friend" Peter Marson. The two were apparently hiding a relationship, concerned of what the public might think of a celebrity being openly gay. The Ministry denies any allegations that this is what led to Trunder's imprisonment in Azkaban. However, Marson's life sentence followed several days afterward. An anonymous Ministry official states, "They were very clear on the reasons inside the Ministry. The story of Trunder and Marson being Death Eaters was merely a cover-up."**

I stared in shock at the article. Moony had read it out loud, and Wormtail commented the entire time through about how disgusting it was that a guy would love a guy. Still, I had read it two more times, and couldn't believe it. The Ministry, who was supposed to protect us, was instead sending people to Azkaban because they loved each other.

"Are you alright?" Moony asked. "You seem very upset. Death Eaters would have gotten to them anyway."

"But to get your soul sucked out? They loved each other. I thought the Ministry was supposed to protect against injustice, anyway." Wormtail began making retching sounds.

"I can't pretend that I am particularly enthusiastic of the idea," he continued over Wormtail's repeated imitations, "but I agree it is harsh. People are dying every day, though." He shrugged and sipped his milk. "You seem upset too, James." Although he shook his head, James was obviously livid. His hands were balled up into fists and his teeth gritted.

Throughout the day, we heard comment after comment about the article. Everyone had heard. Of course, the Slytherins thought it was especially amusing, but other than them, everyone talked seriously about it. Unfortunately, however, the tolerance level for gay wizards among the Wizarding World was surprisingly low. I kept on hearing, "My parents think it's disgusting." I wished people would think for themselves.

My heart kept one sinking lower. If we weren't killed by the Death Eaters, James and I would be sent to Azkaban by the Ministry. Loving James would be like sending a killing spell at him. The more I heard and thought, the more I wanted to cry.

James' POV

I had decided to see what Dumbledore thought about the idea of a guy loving another guy. If anyone would know anything, he ought to, seeing as how much he knew of other things, and what a loving, tolerant person he was.

My palms began to sweat as I approached the gargoyles, and upon seeing them, my heart sunk. I didn't know the password to the Headmaster's office. Things were a mess, and I was so confused. Although, I was normally able to at least remain composed, before I knew it, my head was in my hands and I was pressing hard against my temples, wishing it would end.

"I figured you'd be coming soon, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore came around from behind me, unheard, and stopped in front of the gargoyles. "Chocolate Frogs." They leapt aside, and as he began his ascent up the spiraling staircase, he continued, "That is the password if you ever do need me."

I followed suit and made my way through the door. "Didn't they put you on the Chocolate Frogs' card recently?"

"In fact they did." It was a very pleasant surprise, if I might say so." His voice contained a slight amount of pride. "But I'm fairly sure you didn't come to talk about recent additions to the Chocolate Frog Card collection." My breath caught in my throat, and somehow I felt that he knew what I wanted to say.

"Sir if a person – well, actually may I ask you a question?" As always, being in Dumbledore's presence, I felt so exposed and unsure. My air of pride and attitude for retorting dropped away, until only an anxious child was left within me.

"Considering that I have let you into my office and offered you a seat –" I opened my mouth to say that he didn't, but I felt the nudging of the edge of something padded against my leg, and looked down to see a chair – "I would say that you most certainly may ask me a question." The way he gave me a look, I wondered if he knew what I was going to ask. As if reading my mind, he added, "Although I did notice you were troubled, I am quite awful at Divination, so you'll have to enlighten me."

"My friend – a boy – loves another," I began, careful with my wording. "Another boy, that is, and he's nervous about what to do, especially after today's article. On one hand, he can't live in a hidden relationship, but in the other, he's afraid of the Wizarding Community will think." I finished and hoped I had made at least some sense. The pounding in my head had made it hard for me to concentrate.

"This _friend_ quite clearly has feelings for the other boy, and something like this is best to share." The way he said the second word made me sure that he knew – however he did – that this wasn't a friend I was speaking about. His piercing gaze confirmed my suspicious. "If their love for each other is strong, once they're both ready, then they can – what is it the Muggles say – 'come out of the closet'." There was a pause as I processed what he said. Considering that he knew, I figured that there was no sense in hiding the truth.

"But if I tell anyone, won't they hate me?" Even I could realize that my voice resembled that of a frightened child's seeking comfort in a parent.

"You? I thought this was your friend we were talking about. But no matter. James, by now I would think you knew better than to take other's judgments too seriously. If you and this other boy do love each other than you shouldn't tear it apart. It's a very precious thing. What happened to Trunder and Marson is a terrible, terrible thing, but if I can do something about it, those men will be free, and nothing like that will ever happen again." His piercing gaze had softened into a loving one – one that was perhaps even reminiscent.

Naturally, a still silence fell, and I nodded briskly, my head feeling awkward on my shoulders. "Yes, I guess I shouldn't care about what others have to say." I got upon suddenly and shakily, the chair slightly wobbling. "Thank you."

With that, I ran to share this newfound advice with Sirius. A smile found its way on my lips and I felt giddy and light as I jumped down the steps three by three. We were going to be together and nothing and no one would stop us.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius' POV

"Padfoot, will you calm down? I'm sure he's fine. What are you worrying about, anyway?" These sentiments were Moony's, of course.

I was pacing back and forth. James had slipped away at one point, and he hadn't had returned in over an hour. My mind had been uneasy all day, and now he was nowhere to be found. But of course I couldn't explain this to anyone.

The Portrait swung open, and he strolled through, looking content. I rushed over, all terrible thoughts disappearing. "James, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mother," he joked. Immediately, I shied back, hurt, but he gave me a look and I understood. Had we hugged it wouldn't have looked natural. It wasn't anything we had done before yesterday night.

"See, he's fine. Now, I'm going to sleep." Moony smiled and went over to Wormtail, who was snoring on the couch.

"Did you all wait for me? I feel so touched!" Battering his eyes and pretending to wipe back tears, James made his way over to the couch where Wormtail was as well. "I can handle this," he told Moony. Then, leaning close, next to Wormtail's ear, he muttered, "Boo!"

Wormtail jumped into the air screaming, "I didn't do anything!" Upon realizing what had happened, he angrily sulked upstairs, Moony following him.

"You two staying down here?"

"Yup. Not for long, though," James replied.

As soon as the door shut, I glanced from side to side, trying to make sure that we were alone. I had never expected we'd be alone as early as midnight, but we were. Then, grabbing him by the shoulders, I walked forward one step, pressing him between me and the wall.

Our lips melted, releasing everything we had been bottling up throughout the day. For every time we had to resist we kissed and held each other now.

When we finally pulled apart, I said, my eyes brimming with tears, "Never scare me like that again, James, please." Then, holding him tightly, I hugged him, sobbing on his shoulder and releasing all the fear I had bottled up.

A hand went through my hair and it stopped me. James pulled me away, asking me worriedly, "What happened?"

"The entire day everyone's putting death threats on people like us, and then you suddenly disappear!"

"Oh, Siri, I was at Dumbledore's office. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm so sorry." My curiosity was piqued.

"What were you doing at Dumbledore's?"

"He's going to fix everything in the Ministry. Dumbledore said that I'll be fine and we can –erm – come out. Don't you see, it'll all work out!" I shook my head.

"Even if he can get Trunder and Marson free, he can't change what everyone else thinks. It wasn't only the Slytherins who were murderous. I can't let anyone kill you; it's not something I can live with." I could tell he saw truth in what I said, but being as stubborn as he was, James also shook his head. Pulling away, he crossed his arms across his chest.

"So, you don't want me, is that it?" Although he was doing it, I couldn't believe he was sinking that low.

"You know that isn't it."

"You don't love me?" he questioned, his voice almost cold. I closed my eyes for a moment, and reopened them, staring directly into his, willing him to relax.

"James, please…" My voice was low and begging. Upon saying that, his features rearranged, as if I'd triggered something in his memory.

"Siri, I'm sorry." There were two strong arms wrapped around me suddenly. "I just wish that there was a way it could work."

"And you think that I don't?" My lips lightly brushed against his before I cradled against his neck. "If it didn't mean your death, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes."

"I'll always love you," he choked out. I wished he wouldn't, to put himself out of some danger, but I knew it was impossible. I'd never stop loving him either.

And we made the most of our last night, talking some and also just enjoying each others company – each others touch. At one point, I even fell asleep in James' arms. And it wasn't until we heard footsteps upstairs that we separated, James lying down on the couch and I in the armchair.

People came downstairs slowly filling up other places, and James and I began to talk about things such as Quidditch. Moony and Wormtail joined us, both oblivious to the fact that we hadn't even come upstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

James' POV

I felt that sick wrenching feeling as I heard the first footsteps. We reluctantly parted, and talked about things like Quidditch to try and avert our minds from the pain. It didn't work, but we rambled on, our words empty and meaningless.

Moony and Wormtail came down together.

"Sleep well?" Moony asked us.

"Best sleep I've ever had," was all Sirius said. I knew his mind was dwelling upon this night, as was mine. The summer away from each other would hopefully give us some times to be able to get used to the idea of being apart.

There was a tap on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Lily Evan's green eyes staring down at me. "James?" I just blinked several times. She had never talked to me unless telling me to get away from her. Our "fights" were infamous, and just in her saying my name the room quieted down.

"All you needed to do was show your good side," she muttered, flustered by all the people staring. "I saw that the other day with you and Sirius." My cheeks must have turned red because she gave me an encouraging smile. "Yes, I'll go out with you." Then, uncertain of what to do, she grabbed me and kissed me, turning a vivid shade of scarlet as the room cheered. Rather than put on the show I should have, I stood there in shock, not moving and lifeless until she let go and pulled away.

"James isn't saying a word; where's a camera when you need one?" someone in the crowd yelled.

"I love you," Lily whispered, suddenly shy. Her fingers weaved into my hair for a moment. Closing my eyes, I ignored the difference in her touch and voice and pretended it was Sirius.

"I love you, too," I replied, and hugged her, knowing full well I'd never be able to go back on this. My eyes found their way to Sirius. Could expressions show heartbreak, Sirius' would have. I could tell he was holding back tears as he stood as unmoving as a column, letting people shove their way closer around him.

Lily was taking my stiffness as shock of her sudden willingness to go out with me and she took my hand and smiled. "Let's go eat," she whispered into my ear and pulled me down the stairs with her to the Great Hall. "I'm glad you never gave up on me."

Sirius' POV

I followed Moony and Wormtail, who were chasing after Lily and James. But before we entered the Great Hall, I pulled away, letting myself get lost in the crowd. My feet pounded back up as I made my way to the Shrieking Shack. All I needed was a quiet, empty room to think.

My shape melted into a dog's and running at the Whomping Willow, my paw pressed against the knob. The tree shuddered to a halt, and I rushed inside, my form human once more.

Upon entering, I collapsed on the worn carpet and cradled my head in my hands. True, I knew it would never end like I wanted it to, but I still had assumed that James and I would have these last two days to ourselves. The last thing I expected was Lily Evans taking him away from me.

So, I sat there for several hours, wishing he was sitting next to me and that people were more tolerant, that it wasn't so dangerous to love. It couldn't be later than seventeen when I opened my eyes to find someone standing above me.

"James?"

"I managed to get away for a while." We stood facing each other like two attracting magnets wishing they could repel. Each was wishing somehow that we could hold each other, but knowing that if we did, it'd be that much more difficult to let go. Still, after a moment of silence, where we simply stared at each other, helpless, I couldn't resist, and I flung myself at him. He made a half-hearted attempt to move to the side, and succeeded in dodging my open arms.

"Sirius, I can't. I asked Lily to go out with me. She clearly loves me and I can't be with two people at the same time." A sharp pain crept into his voice, and James' Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed.

"But she got to you so soon. Too soon…" I put my hand against his arm and blinked as tears threatened again.

"I know, I know, but perhaps it's for the best in the end – a nice, clean break." I moved way away to his lips again, and this time he didn't resist. My hand found its way cupped around the curve of his chin. Nudging his glasses aside, I knew this would be the last time I'd stare into those hazel eyes and know that we could be together like this. At first my finger traced his jaw line, and I freely let my tears run. The hazel mixed with his tanned skin and black hair, and a trembling hand wiped them back.

"Sirius…" I couldn't bear to hear his excuses, and with a painful effort, I flung myself at him. We kissed one last time. Our lips met passionately, and longingly, and my jaw ached. Although we knew we'd never have enough, even had we had a lifetime ahead of us, part of the kiss seemed to try and condense that lifetime into this one kiss. When we pulled away, both of us gasped for breath. I nodded.

"So, that spell to the Girl's Dormitory – need any help?" My voice was choked as I attempted a weak smile, which James returned with a genuine grin.

"I'll need it now, won't I?"

Life wasn't back to how it was before, and it probably never would fully be, but we would manage. Perhaps in time James' love for me would die. With someone who loved him as much as Lily, it was hard not to, but somehow I knew mine never would. And because of that, I was willing to do anything for him, even if it wasn't the happily ever after I'd imagined.

A/N: What did you think? Rather cliche at some part (so I feel), but it's my first try. I'm in the process of writing a sequel of sorts, and it should be out soon enough. Anyway, pleaseeee R & R (not to beg or anything, of course).


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